Encouraging the Heart

To get where we are today or be who we are, we have all received encouragement at some point, hopefully many times throughout our journey. Encouragement relates to "Esteem" on Maslow's hierarchy of needs and note that it is placed before self-fulfillment, indicating that encouragement/approval/recognition is a building block to self-fulfillment.

Besides recognition/approval from family and friends, we also need it from our co-workers and managers. This HBR article highlights why appreciation at the workplace matters so much. One of the Daniel Goleman's quotes cited in this article is, “Threats to our standing in the eyes of others are almost as powerful as those to our very survival.” Reading this quote brought back flashes of many incidents where I was truly puzzled by why someone was 'acting so defensively' or 'came back aggressively (at times viciously)' when I was 'just trying to give some feedback'. It makes sense now, they felt that the remarks were a threat to their standing in someone else's eyes (the more public the remark, the more defensive or aggressive the response). Of course, their 'fight or flight' instinct was triggered. On the other hand, this also means that appreciating and encouraging someone makes them feel safe and valued and therefore triggers positive emotions. That's certainly reason to consciously appreciate and encourage more than giving negative feedback or finding faults.

Appreciation and encouragement, I make a slight distinction between the two (also based on the synonyms listed in the thesaurus). While appreciating refers to praising, applauding, admiring, and cherishing; encouraging refers to emboldening, reassuring, strengthening, and  cheering. These also form the basis of how I feel when encouraged; it generates self confidence and strength, and evokes the feeling of being valued, of the fact that others have faith in my abilities and trust me to do a good job. Encouraging others, whether in personal or professional spheres is a humbling, enriching, and rewarding experience, and one that evokes feeling of gratitude too. Humbling because it is about acknowledging another person's good work, contribution or behavior; making them feel valued, placing trust in their abilities, helping them realize their own strength, and being grateful in a way that who are fortunate enough to know them and/or work with them.

These are such positive and powerful actions that generate equally positive and powerful outcomes from the giver and the receiver that it is worth committing to encouraging others as much as possible. As the HBR article suggests, "we’re not fluent in the language of positive emotions in the workplace" or the "Heartfelt appreciation is a muscle we’ve not spent much time building" but if we are determined, it's not that difficult to become fluent in a new language if we practice enough or difficult to strengthen that muscle if we exercise it frequently. How about starting with right now?

 Disclaimer: All images are from google images and used for educational purposes only.

Maslow's Hierarchy: http://www.strategosinc.com/images/maslow_hierarchy.gif

Fight-Flight image: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIgvjy0fv37oacYO6nADOVaw2QFzQR8muUqbgtIbXf6SoXRrTVH9JmjrEQ4l72g_saXkmwCZNNsWlndzDLhK1u-ym3K-EO1CUHVNF6wTtHj_soRiLgb6EJ3ThBWpgqm7YozxxE03jjO77Z/s1600/Fight+Or+Flight.jpg

Pat on the Back: https://s3.amazonaws.com/lowres.cartoonstock.com/health-beauty-motivational_speaker-motivation-pat_on_the_back-encouragement-encouraging-bven170_low.jpg

Encourage the Heart: http://flashpointleadership.com/uploads/content/Encourage-the-Heart.jpg